Sigmund Psychie Says...

Sigmund Psychie Says

Awareness is crucial to the process of change. If you (we) are not aware of the patterns in (y)our life   chances are you (we) will continue to do them over and over. Conscious Change starts with the process of becoming aware of our own thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes.   Our brains are on auto-pilot.   We react to situations 'without thinking'.   We are often unaware of why we say or do certain things.   If you want to make change work for you, start thinking about what you do and why you do it.

In this Issue

First in a three part series, the ABCs of Making Change

  1. Awareness - the ability to change behaviors
  2. Steps to awareness
  3. Recognizing patterns helps demolish barriers
  4. Noticing patters
  5. Do today

Next Issue

March 2006 - Behaviors - Second in the ABCs of Making Change
April 2006 - Change - Third in the ABCs of Making Change

Last Issue

January 2006 - Setting Goals

WORK RELATED QUESTIONS?
I'm Dr. Sigmund Psychie C.E. (Communications Expert). It means that while I practice the art of psychology, I am not a psychologist. I have a wealth of experience in helping people develop powerful communications skillsto work through complex challenges at work and home.

Ask me anything related to communications at work, negotiations, management, and more.

Remember to pass this information along to your colleagues and associates. I can help them too!

Email me your question today!
sigmund@ovson.com

LEARN HOW TO

  • Get what you want
  • Ask for a raise
  • Position yourself in a negotiation
  • Work with a difficult person
  • Manage multiple groups
  • Hire the right employees
AWARENESS - THE ABILITY TO CHANGE BEHAVIORS

Dear Sigmund Psychie,

There's a person in the office that everyone loves, but for some reason when I work with him I get very close-minded and mean. I need to work with him. What can I do?

- Usually Nice Miami, FL

Dear Usually Nice:

Congratulations! You've taken the first and biggest step. You have become aware that it is not the other person's responsibility to change your behavior. The responsibility is yours and yours alone. You've realized everyone brings different feelings to the table and there is something about your feelings that are getting in the way of relating positively with this person.

If you want to change your behavior, you have to figure out what it is that makes you react the way you do. Is it discomfort? Jealousy? Fear? Competition?   Did you react to someone in the past in the same way?   Is there something else that this person might have done in the past that you might be 'getting back' at him for?   If you figure out where these feelings come from you will go a long way towards eradicating them.

STEPS TO AWARENESS

  1. Stop. Look. Listen. And Feel.
    How are you feeling right now?
  2. Clarify your values.
    What's important to you?
  3. Define and prioritize your goals.
    What do you really want?
  4. Be open to how you feel and behave - good, bad, kind & ugly.
    Are you honest about your true feelings?
  5. Identify if feelings and behaviors match your values.
    Are your goals and values in sync?
  6. Notice patterns of your thoughts and behaviors.
    Do you see triggers for certain behaviors?
  7. Jump outside yourself. View from another perspective.
    What would a close confidant notice?
RECOGNIZING PATTERNS HELPS DEMOLISH BARRIORS

Dear Sigmund Psychie,

I'm the manager of 5 highly educated and creative computer programmers. We have missed our product release dates the last two times. I have set deadlines, dictated weekend work, threatened to fire them, and still I don't get what I want. What can I do?

- Manager Bob Mountain View, CA

Dear Manager Bob:

Have you ever thought about changing the way you work with this group? If the results you seek have failed twice it seems like what you are doing doesn't work. There is a pattern here.  

Can you list what you have done that didn't work? Treats and deadlines are useless to many new workers - but you have already found that out.   What else have you found that has not worked?  

For so many years, managers have worked in the 'command and control' arena and now, many people in the workplace resent that style.   Is that your style?   If it is and you are honest enough to recognize it, can you change it?   Can you involve them?   And if you did, how would you feel about it?  

What steps can you take to enlist them in helping your team move forward?   You have recognized a pattern of what doesn't work, now change your process and figure out, with your team, what will get the job done.  

REAL-LIFE EXAMPLE

I worked with a CEO who was always right and saw fault in other people's ideas and concepts. Success for him was getting other people to think like him. What he and the business really needed was to get other people to voice their ideas and for him to listen.

I was hired when the business needed a big turn around and change. Change starts with the CEO. While getting the CEO to look at his patterns, he began to recognize that he chose people who would not threaten his power - thus no one voiced concerns or new ideas.

Once he became aware of how he was stifling creativity, he began to work on reducing his fear and encourage participation and new ideas from others. Becoming aware of his own fear in letting go of control was his first step toward positive change.

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NOTICING PATTERNS

  1. List your behaviors.
  2. List triggers that invoke those behaviors.
  3. What are your reactions to those behaviors?
  4. What are others' reactions to those behaviors?
  5. Is this something you want to change?

 

DO TODAY

Stop. Look. Listen. And Feel. How are you feeling right now? Check out if you're reacting automatically or if you're actually responding to the situation at hand.

Building Success through Interpersonal Communications